i feel a bit displaced today. few more days, daughter is coming. have to go back to my nest. well its something im not used to. i ran a series of stuffs to collect especially those i need. and poor Pino. he's been missing me a lot lately. he greets me like crazy everytime he sees me. oh well, i have to deal with it.

GM arrived, work time gets longer....for nothing. salary is delayed, no additional mullah. going home at 1am the other night is just another thank u. got irritated by him to remind me why i have a freaking schedule. its almost 3 yrs im suffering in this routine! i want a change...soon.

if i will be just a plain gf, disappearing into thin air each time his kids visit or just some other girl to hang around with...i better think twice. i cant let myself hooked with his mushiness which occurs every quarter?

grrrr...life. its me the underdog again. i need a shock absorber. prolly this weekend. have some parties to attend to. why not get wasted? i am getting sick with the real world. lemme forget about it. hoping to come back with a positive note.

being away from each other is not easy.  he had a sleepless night.  i couldnt get myself to sleep right away.  i have to deal the morning routines of my roomies. the new roomy is so inconsiderate.  i woke up around 4am and tried to go to sleep after they left at 5am.

tonight he dropped me off from work and we have some moments together. his daughter will arrive next weekend. second episode of leaving the house. as he said traces of me must be removed. i tried to chuckle. but seriously its painful! i chose to swallow my pride.  i wonder till when shall i be kept away from his children? as my friend told me, we dont know what's going on with his mind. its also a matter of time. i need to be more patient.

i have to face this every now and then. it hurts. im fighting back tears and my heart is heavy.

yeah i know i was stubborn to ask again. but i couldnt help waiting for him to open the subject. better make it clear than me, hoping for nothing. there is no trip this eid holidays. ooh...i was really counting for it. something just died down inside. i want to be a child and cry over it. i wasted my time thinking and drafting some plans.

he has a valid reason... he needs rest, so many pressures from work. hmmmm what else? could be theres more to it? i dont care!

his daughter will arrive in 10 days for a 3 day vacation. my work schedule really sucks. we barely see each other.

i went to bed so upset. pretended to be so tired from work. but my heart ached, until now.

it sucks!

i am so upset (he doesnt even know it!)

the celebration kicked off friday lunch time. food was delivered on time. finally he met  my brother. i appreciated those who came. others didnt show up at all, which i expected. no messages or greetings. oh well... but it simply drew the lines.

we had a lot of singing. got tipsy with tequila and a hangover at the end of the day. my body not used to alcohol intake anymore. last time i got drunk about 7 months ago. it was really fun! a wonderful birthday compared to previous years. it made difference to have someone in my life.

took a leave the next day. spending time at the house. doing anything. went thru the threadmill for a 30 minute workout. prepared some food too. and i got bored after some time. hmm seems like i couldnt be kept in a house for too long...

another year wiser? well i guess so. so many things happened. i took a leap in my life now and getting the hang of it. its getting better. though i couldnt foresee what happens next. its hard to plan...cant plan alone anymore. its US now.  so il just let myself move into the current with lifejacket handy. in case...its gets rocky. i know it will after sometime...

Ramadan season is starting tomorrow. i hate the schedule. too long break hours and coming back late at night. seems we wont be seeing much. i hope we can figure out something.

during my midday break i went to one of the malls located at the business district of Doha. its been quite awhile since i visited the area because it is totally out of my way. passing thru the corniche area, i admired the blue waters. it must have been high tide level. when the weather cools down i would love to spend my time on the shorelines. too many buildings are constructed. the west bay is full of skyscrapers, arabic architectural no longer exist. its now modern and western influenced. roads are excavated which caused several detours. Doha is developing at a rapid phase. at one time you see an old building then it gets demolished and with a wink of an eye replaced by a new structure. i just get awed sometimes.

i had a time with myself today. had lunch alone in a chinese resto where i ordered food for tomorrow's party. now i feel comfortable eating alone. which i never do way back in my country. i rather go home even im starving. went to some shops i bought a bargained top and a white belt. with the remaining time i spent it at starbucks had cappucino with caramel and cream. continued to watch movie from my ipod until its time to go back to work.

 thank God its thursday! tomorrow is my celebration. just counting the hours till end of this shift! too bad a/c is not working well. we're like being warmed up. mobile is not working, some cable got busted. called the telecom and still under repair. hope it wont take too long...

the preparations are ready except for a few errands. lemme run down a checklist here:

1. food - chinese food ordered and gave sketch for delivery; the other cater has been negotiated (including dessert)

2. drinks - ready since last week

3. cake - need to place order for the ice cream cake, prolly tomorrow

4. guests - all informed

5. house layout - to be discussed

6. karaoke - taken cared of but i may need a back up? il ask my roomy

its 95% set! I'm excited hope will turn out well. i need a day off the next day too. hope GM arrive yet...

I-POD TOUCH 32 GB!

after i blogged what i wanted, he sent me mail if i wanted a MP3 player for a present. and said of course and he asked to choose. bingo! he bought it yesterday. a very early present. something unexpected. im so happy with it! i got busy downloading songs and movies. i am very pleased with this present not to mention that its very pricey.

he knows that im not demanding so much of material things. its whatever that comes around. i guess he appreciates me and so do i. i just want to say a lot of thanks. im overwhelmed.

i will be preparing for the party this week. too bad his boss will visit again. i hope he wont miss the celebration. i invited my friends. finally i gave them a ring and they're not sure if their coming. so whoever comes will enjoy the celebration!

August is my birthmonth!

birthday bash plan is now drawn up. next weekend, lunch time. i requested for karaoker player and its granted. i dont want be the chef. so will order some chinese food (my fave) and an ice cream cake from baskins.  wine and other drinks are ready!

guests...most of them are informed except for some people. still deciding if im inviting them or not. shall i say the "stained friends". as mentioned they became a part of my life then why not? if they cant show up i have no problems with it. i have couple of days to think about it. then il give them a ring.

 just wanna thank my baby for this. cant ask anything more...he asked what i want for a present last night. i thought its the karaoke? and he said its not. he want sto give me something more. he was thinking of a mobile but so far im still happy with it. im not really a tech updater. so i said just anything he wants to get for me.

but...this morning i was surfing for a probable present. hahaha...anyways i wont tell him till he insists. as much as i want a laptop but dont consider a necessity yet. there's an extra laptop at home and it doesnt matter to me if its an old model. 

1st choice:  how about an ipod classic or itouch? 

2nd choice : would be a watch from lacroix or tag (hmm quite costly!) or a swatch will do. 

3rd choice an ericsson mobile but the unit is still soon to come.

or a jewelry set, a heart shape pendant or any heart bling-blings, white gold or with some stones...

it doesnt matter to me at all if there is another present. each day with him is loving present. i wish we can maintain this peaceful life and for whatever would come we'll just have to face it together...

no matter how solid the bond was...there are some things left unspoken which caused people whom you're closed with, just to be in parallel paths.  yes i find it a bit disturbing especially they played a major part of my life.

i dont know what exactly happen. for sure they misinterpret me for my actions. yet they never dared to confront me. as far as i know my actions are independent with my relationship with them.  on the contrary they admitted to made a bad decision. but i dont dwell on that since it doesnt affect me so much.

we bumped to each other last weekend. rapport is no longer the same. tried to communicate back but it seems they dont want anymore. this got me confused since they verbally opened the lines but shut them out instead...

well let things as they be. its stained: which can either be repaired or not. it depends...

took permission to be late at work today. no explanations required. tried my luck for an application in a government hospital here. but to no avail all was said they need a company sponsored visa not a personal visa. though any visa is possible, a government institution can do anything. yet for simplicity sake they're sticking to the general rule. if i only i have some back up support from inside...nah...to involve myself in some politics  which i truly dread?!? nevermind!

its not the time yet. well i tried and i got an answer. good thing i didnt have a frustrated feeling. i know there is a light somewhere down the road. maybe there is more purpose staying here. i can still tolerate and i will be whining when things gets lousy which occurs ever now and then. whenever there is any opportunity il try not to let it pass till i get it. there's still a lot of hope!

whew! im so positive today! and happy. its our 5th month! he is my luck since day 1. its a whole lotta reason to celebrate life! at the end of the day that's what matters. we'll just continue to hold on wherever it may lead us...wink!